"30,000 Elvis impersonators may be out of work" Please, God, please, God, please, God... "Rise in Revenue Helps Cingular Wireless to a Profit" In other news, rain makes things wet, and the sun gives off light. "Colombian Police Train Rats to Find Mines" Because apparently finding cocaine is just too easy. "Ohio Restaurant Wins Best Restroom Award" With floors so clean you could...no, we won't go there. "Indonesians Evacuate As Volcano Rumbles" I wonder if Volcano fights fair, or does he use brass knuckles, chains, and knives?